Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

It had been just one night that you were gone, but the gravity of the long wait ahead seemed to pull me so strongly. I hate the unfairness of the world – the whole idea of having to share you with so many other important people in (y)our life. I am assured that you are just mine, only mine. But it still irks me to part with you, however short the time may be. You were just a couple of hours from leaving, but I was missing you loads already. Or even more, the mere thought of you going away for a short while has been bothering me for the past one week so much so that I was so calculative about every minute I got to spend with you before you were to leave.

The day you were to leave, I was travelling back home from work. A Friday. But it didn’t seem like one at all. There wasn’t going to be that Saturday morning, when I would be all dressed and ready with a hot mug of tea, eagerly waiting for the door bell to ring. There wasn’t going to be that lazy afternoon with just you and me. There wasn’t going to be any of your random babbles to tickle my funny bone. There wasn’t going to be any of your laughter that would lighten up the little world around me. There wasn’t going to be our evening walk after dinner, hand-in-hand, with one ice-cream to share. There wasn’t going to be that sole feeling of happiness which would envelop me during your presence. There wasn’t going to be a you with me to make me forget everything else in this world.

Your absence seemed to have taken away the colours and excitement of a Friday evening. The whole world seemed to radiate an unusual and uncomfortable boredom. I felt numb and lifeless. It was like the emotions J.K. Rowling describes of dementors. I felt like being sucked out of all the happiness by some invisible force. It left me with a deep-rooted feeling of loneliness – a loneliness which made me realize that I was missing you more than I ever thought was possible. A separation that made me realize how much more I love you than I thought or expressed.

With my ipod playing “Aaoge jab tum saajana”, I took each one of those uninterested slow steps home. Tears bloomed in my eyes, as if the song had just given them the license to spill out of their trap hole. I walked with my head down, badly wishing that the evening sun would dry my tears before it set.

I am missing you a lot honey.

This song is for you darling...





I love you.


- Ms. Iyer in love.